Outtake Tuesday: Cut Scene from A Perfect Man

When we pick up a book from the bookshelf, we're (hopefully) getting something that's been through multiple rounds of revisions and edits. We don't often get to see the early drafts and "mistakes." I decided, for the entertainment of my readers and for the use of anyone who wants to see why certain scenes or characters don't make it into a final draft, to post cut scenes from my published works.

A Perfect Man, which was released in May, has a lot of them because I worked on that book for a long time, off and on for three or four years. I have several cut scenes files, not sure why. Here are the contents of one of them, the original chapter five. An early version of the book had some extra characters, and others had different names. Phoebe, who I'll bring in a later book, is a biology student who is taking classes in the MFA program. I combined Carl and Albie into just Albie. Iain turned into Isaac, Sarah into Samantha.

Confused yet? Here's the deleted scene (warning - adult language):

Sarah sighed and put her face in her hands.  This was going to be tough.  Really tough.  Karen might complain about her story being hijacked, but at least it meant she would have help!  Meanwhile, she would discover the difference between writing what you know and putting yourself through hell to purge the wound you inflicted on yourself and your family.

“You don’t have to do this, you know.”  The voice was familiar, soothing.  It was also the voice that had told her, “You don’t have to feel guilty about this.”

“Fuck off,” she told it.  She opened a new document in Word and started writing.

[story excerpt]

Those mesmerizing green eyes…  “Are you kidding me?” she asked herself.  The phone rang.  It was Karen.

“I’m convening a session of the Bitch Club,” she said.

Sarah wiped the tear that crept down her cheek, smearing it up with the heel of her hand.  “I’m…kind of busy right now.  I’m, um, writing.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.  Yeah, I’ll be fine.  Are you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where are we meeting?”

Even late on a Sunday night, the coffee shop was crowded, but Phoebe had gotten a table.  Or, judging from the books piled there, Phoebe had already been camped out there all afternoon.

“Work hard today?” asked Sarah.  She was the first one there.

Phoebe rolled her eyes and piled stuff so that Sarah could have space for her notebook.  “I’m always working.  And I can’t get this damn book off the ground.  It would be so much easier if humans just reproduced by splitting themselves.  Damn romance.”

“I’ll drink to that.”

“Are you okay?"

Sarah sighed.  Why did people keep asking her that?  “Yeah, I’m fine.  What do you want to drink?”

When she got back, Phoebe still sat alone.  “Hey, Phoebe, question.”

“Yeah?”

“Did you ever do anything you really regretted?  Like really hated yourself for?”

Phoebe frowned.  “Not recently.”

“That’s a nice, evasive answer.  I’m being serious.”

“I am, too.  I’ve spent a lot of time and energy trying to get past all that stuff.”  She shrugged.  “It’s just not worth it to drag it all out again.”

“Ah.”  She wrapped her hands around the ceramic mug.  The smooth curves fit her hands perfectly, and although the heat stung her skin, she found it to be comforting.

“Is there something you want to talk about, Sarah?”  She saw that Phoebe was looking at her, her pretty cornflower blue eyes dark with concern.

Sarah shrugged.  “It’s this writing project.  It’s like I’ve got all this stuff that I need to get out, to purge, but I’m afraid of what I’m going to find underneath.”

“Like what?”

Karen and Lillian walked through the door before she could answer.  Although the two young women were close in age, they couldn’t be more different in how they carried themselves.  Karen looked young but with that confident air of a woman with her whole life ahead of her in spite of the pensive expression on her face.  Lillian, only five or six years older, had that certain walk that women only had after they had given birth.  Not that it was any less confident, but more careful.  She smiled easily, but there was always a shadow lurking behind it, a whole cache of worries just below the surface about her family, especially her three kids.

“I’m surprised you were able to get away,” Karen said to Lillian as they sat down.

She nodded.  “Me, too, but Paul said to go ahead.  I think he’s relieved that I finally have some female friends, even if they’re in that program he doesn’t see the point in.”

Sarah felt her cheeks grow hot.  She’d never met Paul, but she already hated him.  “Then screw him!”

Lillian smiled, gently.  “I did.  And I’ve got three kids to show for it.”

Sarah couldn’t help but laugh.  “Touché.  So what’s the call for the bitch club?”

Karen sighed.  “Y’know, I’ve been thinking that I must be stupid to call y’all together for a mere hunch, but I think that Seth is up to something.”

“Was tonight your meeting with him?” Phoebe asked.

“Yep.”

“How’d it go?”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate him any less, but he was way too agreeable.”

“Even to the idea that his precious Harrison isn’t the perfect man for Lila?”

“He managed to sidestep it.”

Sarah blew on the surface of her coffee.  “I wonder what the other guys told him.”

Karen snorted.  “Who knows?”  She looked around.  “Does anyone want anything?”

“The usual,” Lillian told her.

“Cool.  I’ll get this round.”

When Karen left, Lillian leaned forward, and Phoebe and Sarah leaned in as well.  Lillian checked behind her shoulder to make sure Karen indeed stood in line, and with a small grin said, “I think that they’ll end up together.”

“Who?  Harrison and Lila?”

“No, Phoebe, Karen and Seth.”

Phoebe shook her head.  “No way.  I mean how cliché would that be?”

“Besides,” Sarah added, “you don’t want to shit where you eat, if you know what I mean.  We’ve still got almost two years in this program.  What if it didn’t work out?”

“But what if it did?  They could be a cute writing team.”

“Until things go sour, then they’d be in a cute legal mess.”  Sarah shook her head.  “No way in hell.”

“Fine,” said Lillian.  “Want to put a wager on it?”

Sarah sat back and pondered for a moment.  “If we’re going to wager on our friend’s happiness, we need to make it worthwhile.”

“How about a hundred dollars?”

Phoebe whistled.  “A hundred dollars?”

Lillian looked at her.  “And don’t even think about asking what my husband would think.  Yes, a hundred dollars.”

Sarah stuck her hand out.  “You’re on!  Phoebe?”

The petite blonde shook her head.  “Too rich for my blood.”

“Fine, then, you can be the monitor.  You can make sure that neither of us is trying to influence the outcome, that we play fair.”

When Phoebe hesitated, Sarah added, “And whoever wins has to give you twenty percent.”

“Deal.”

Karen returned with her decaf soy latte and Lillian’s iced white mocha.  “What’d I miss?”

“Nothing, really.”

She sat down.  “So what do I do?”

Sarah opened her mouth, but Phoebe’s look stopped her from giving Karen the advice she thought she should.  She couldn’t try to influence the outcome of the bet.  “I think you should just follow your heart.”  The words felt strange on her tongue.  Look where following her heart had led her.

“That’s not exactly what I was hoping for.”  Karen slumped back in her chair.

“I think Sarah’s right,” Lillian said.  “We can’t decide this for you.”

“But…”  Karen looked at each of them in turn.  “This is why I called the Bitch Club to order!  I need some advice here, ladies!”

“I think you should find out what the other guys have told him to do,” Phoebe told her.  “He doesn’t seem to be able to stand very much on his own.  I’m betting he went to the others for help.”

Sarah nodded.  “I’m sure Carl and Albie have lots of advice for him, the young fella.”  They all laughed.

“Yeah, and Iain seems to be somewhat of a smooth operator,” Lillian added.  “This isn’t just your project, Karen, it’s a class project.”

“In which case you should find out where the class is steering him, at least the guys.”

Karen nodded, slowly.  “In that case, each of you gets to corner one of them.  I can’t because it would look suspicious.  Who wants who?”

“I’ll take Iain,” Phoebe volunteered.  “I’m too nervous to tackle one of the older guys.  And Iain knows me from the restaurant.”

“You hang out at the Chocolate Chasm?”

“All in the name of observational research, of course.”  Phoebe blushed.  “And believe me, there’s lots to observe.”

Sarah couldn’t resist.  “Any bodice-ripping going on?”

Phoebe blushed even deeper.  “Nope, at least not there.  I make predictions as to whose bodice will be ripped later that evening.  Not that I, um, ever find out.”

“I’ll take Carl,” Lillian said.  “He seems to like me.  I think I remind him of his daughter or something.”

Sarah sighed.  “That leaves Albie for me.  God, what a prick.”

“But you’re the best one to be able to handle him.  You’re feisty!”

“Maybe a little too feisty for my own good.”  Sarah sighed again.  “Fine, I’ll take Albie.”  She looked at the others. “But you all owe me coffee for not having to do it yourself.”

Karen laughed.  “That’s fine.  We’ll meet here the same time next week, and y’all can tell me what you found.”

Sarah and Phoebe walked out to their cars together.

“It’s going to be an interesting week,” Sarah remarked.

“No kidding.”  Phoebe looked at Sarah through her blonde curls.  “Hey, we never got to finish our conversation.”

“That’s okay, I don’t really know if I wanted to finish it.”

“Well, if you need to talk, I’m free tomorrow morning before class.”

“That’s sweet of you, Phoebe, but I’ll be fine.”  Really, she said to herself as she got in her car, I’ll be fine.  She waited for the voice to argue with her, but tonight it was silent.

---

Why this scene got cut:

1. The book ended up being on the long end for me and Samhain as it was, so there was no room for the wager subplot.

2. I didn't want Karen catching on to Seth's interest so soon.

3. I wanted to pare the book down to just Karen and Seth's points of view.

If you'd like to check out the final version of A Perfect Man, you can read an excerpt here.

Or if you'd like to buy it, you can find it at Samhain Publishing, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google Books, iTunes, and anywhere else books are sold. It was one of About.com's ten romance novels not to miss in May.

Character on the Couch: Jillian Neal's Brock and Hope

Today I'm delighted to have Jillian Neal and her characters from her newly released novel Gypsy Hope to the couch. We authors typically try to use our powers for good, but Jillian is taking it a step further. For every copy of Gypsy Hope sold, Jillian is donating $1 to the ProLiteracy organization to help combat adult illiteracy. ProLiteracy works globally to educate, provide resource materials, and to help people that are illiterate. So pull up a beach chair, and let's meet these characters!

This is the kind of cover that makes me go "awww!"

First, let me thank Cecilia for having my characters, Brock Camden and Hope Hendrix, on the couch today. Strong characters, passionate love scenes, and deep emotion are the hallmarks of my work. Brock and Hope’s story is no different but does offer another element that I think makes it all the more compelling. Brock is illiterate. Overcoming that, learning to accept both of their pasts, and ultimately a future neither of them imagined makes Gypsy Hope an engaging and heartbreaking novel, to be sure. But I write romance so there will always be a happily ever after. I wouldn’t even know how to write anything else.


1. If your character were to go to a psychologist – willingly or unwillingly – what would bring them in? Yes, a court order is a valid answer.

Ha! Honestly, a court order wouldn’t be necessary though Brock Camden would probably not go willingly. He would go for Hope. He would do most anything for her. They’ve been best friends since high school. They would both tell you that counseling would be helpful due to their traumatic childhoods. (Brock’s father was an abusive alcoholic. That situation led to his dyslexia and illiteracy never being diagnosed. Hope’s parents were killed in a car accident when she was a little girl.) Brock is a cowboy through and through, however. He would be more inclined to work and try to bury his pain and his past out in the pastures. That is how he’d been dealing with all of his issues right up until the moment Hope proposes they become a couple long enough for him to “show her the sexual ropes” she feels she’s missed out on.

2. Is the presenting problem one of the main internal or external conflicts in your book? If so, how does it present itself?

Largely the conflicts are internal. Hope has fear/anxiety issues due to her parents’ deaths. Brock is terrified that someone will figure out that he’s illiterate. When Hope discovers his painful secret, he pushes her away, too. She has to convince him that she loves him whether he can read or not and show him that illiterate does not mean unintelligent, unlovable, or even unattractive.

3. It's always interesting to see how people act when they first enter my office. Do they immediately go for my chair, hesitate before sitting anywhere, flop on the couch, etc.? What would your character do?

Brock would follow Hope’s lead. She would cautiously seat herself on the couch. He would sit beside her, wrap his arm around her, and immediately be ready to tell you to “back off” if he thought you were being too intrusive. If he sensed or suspected that Hope was afraid or that the session was too painful, he’d suggest/demand that they leave. He’s extremely protective and would like to think that their problems could be solved without external help.

4. Does your character talk to the therapist? How open/revealing will your character be? What will he or she say first?

Brock would only talk if Hope asked him to share. I envision short clipped sentences. He can be quite gruff. His cowboy drawl softens the blow. His opinion would be - what happened in his past happened. There’s no changing it. Why drudge it up now?

Hope would talk more openly in an effort to seek healing for the issues she knows she has. If she loosened up, Brock might follow suit.

5. Your character walks into the bar down the street after his/her first therapy session. What does he/she order? What happens next?

If Brock were alone and not driving, he’d have whiskey straight up, probably something from the Jack Daniel’s distillery. He’s wary of alcohol after seeing what happened to his father when he drank too much, so he would not over do it. If he were with Hope and driving her home, he’d just have a cheap beer. Hope wouldn’t be likely to venture into a bar alone but does like a glass of wine. She’s a light-weight, so she would be cautious.

6. When you're building characters, do you have any tricks you use to really get into their psyches, like a character interview or personality system (e.g., Myers-Briggs types)? And for this book, how did you research illiteracy?

The research on illiteracy actually came many years before Gypsy Hope was born. When my eldest son was eight, he was diagnosed with dyslexia. We were inundated with the horrifying statistics about illiteracy. 757 million people around the world cannot read or write a simple sentence. Nineteen percent of graduating high school seniors cannot read above a third grade level. I wanted to give illiteracy a voice, and in that desire, Brock Camden came on the scene.

As for my characters, they tend to come to me fully-formed. As I write, I get to know them. This is why I will re-write a manuscript at least three times before it goes to my critique partners or my editors. I want to really dig deep and get to know my characters. I’m constantly asking myself, “What if? and How would they react?” when I write. I always want to dig deeper. I never want to “phone in” a scene.

Speaking of Myers-Briggs I am an INFJ empath. Given that I derive other people’s emotions with ease, my novels tend to have a great deal of emotional depth. INFJ’s think using images. So, I often use Pinterest for character and plot development. I can pull the emotion out of an image and transfer it into words. I knew Brock had been Gypsy Beach’s football star in high school but I was missing a part of his past. I opened Pinterest one day and three pictures of sexy cowboys were at the top of my screen. I had it. It hit me like lightening. He was ultimately a misplaced cowboy never meant to be on a beach in North Carolina. So, how had he gotten there? How did that make him feel? and Would he ever go back to the ranch that raised him?

Jillian Neal is a Romance author that manages to blend her imagination, Southern sass, and loving heart in every novel she pens. She showed her talent for weaving intricate plot lines and showcasing dynamic characters in her seven-book, urban fantasy, series, The Gifted Realm. Her skillset continues to shine in her contemporary series, Gypsy Beach, which will leave you with a longing to pack your bags and move to a tiny beach town full of bohemian charm.

She lives outside of Atlanta with her husband and their children.

Cecilia says: I'm an INFJ, too! And yes, I also think in images, although I'm still not good at Pinterest. Thanks so much for coming by and bringing your characters! I do want my readers to know that Jillian's books have the perfect balance of sweet and spicy. They're perfect beach reads whether you have a beach to read on or not.

If you have a character you'd like help with or would like to feature on this blog, please fill out & submit the comment form on the top right. Thanks, and happy reading!

Cover and blurb reveal: A Perfect Man

One reason I love being with my publisher is that they allow me a lot of artistic freedom. Consequently, in May, I have a new book coming out that's completely different from my previous ones. Well, not completely. There's still humor, romance, a dash of mystery, and enough food and wine to bust through any resolutions you might be holding too tightly. I bring you A Perfect Man:

How far will she go to find her perfect man? How far will he go to be one?

When Karen Hardeman sets foot on the Foothills University campus, it’s her first step toward proving her abusive ex wrong. Just her luck, her first writing assignment in Intro to Romance sends her in search of the perfect hero—a quest she’s never managed to conquer.

Worse, her professor forces her to collaborate with the most overconfident, annoying guy in the class.

Seth Sayers is also at Foothills to find new direction—preferably one that takes him far away from the family drama that’s followed him since his father’s death. He didn’t mean to humiliate Karen by rewriting her manuscript from the hero’s point of view. He blames the painkillers the ER doctor gave him after stitching up a wine-induced cut on his hand.

As their collaboration progresses, Karen begins to trust Seth with her manuscript, then maybe a little piece of her heart. But Seth’s half-brother resurrects Seth’s suspicions about his father’s death. Until he finds the truth, he can’t be the hero in anyone’s life. Even his own.

Release date:  May 12, 2015

Stay tuned for excerpts!

Fans of my Facebook page got to meet this charming young man a week early. Please consider liking my page for early updates and sneak peeks.

Saying Goodbye to Assistant One...

Well, while my week was off to a good start, it had an awful finish. I want to thank and apologize to Samantha of Chick Lit Plus blog tours for not participating as much as I could/should in this week's stops because of, well...

Obituary for Bailey:  Septemberish 1998-May 24, 2014

Bailey, commonly known as "The Tuxedo Cat" and occasionally as "Writing Assistant One" passed away this morning at 11:22 a.m. The cat who couldn't stand to be on the other side of the door from his humans, especially his mom, crossed over peacefully in his home surrounded by his loved ones. He was helped on his way after a two-year battle with taking medications for lymphoma by representatives from the Sweet Dreams pet euthanasia service. During his life, he was given much love and good care by the veterinarians and staff of The Cat Doctor and Buckhead Pet Pals pet-sitting service.

"Yes, I am the most interesting cat in the world."

As befits a cat who entered and exited life wearing a tuxedo, he maintained his air of "cat of mystery" from the beginning. He found his primary person in a pet store in Cahaba Heights, an area of Birmingham, Alabama, in spring of 1999. She had long red curls, he liked to chew on hair – it was a perfect match. She never found out about his mysterious past, as when he joined her family at the age of seven or eight months, he was already neutered, and boy was he glad he didn't have to go through that again!

Bailey also had a phobia of car rides, which always occurred with much piteous meowing, so it was a mercy he was able to depart life at home. It was always suspected he had been dumped. His previous owners missed out on a long life of affection – who says cats are aloof creatures? He was always ready for a purr or snuggle, which will be sorely missed.

During his long life, partially as a graduate student kitty in psychology and then as an author's cat, Bailey developed a connoisseur's taste in reading material. He was disappointed when the APA Monitor changed its format from soft, comfortable newsprint to a glossy magazine. As for electronic reading devices, meh. 

"I really don't get the appeal of these e-reader things. Kinda lumpy, if you ask me."

He also didn't appreciate the transformation of warm monitors with plenty of room for kitties atop them to flat-screens. At that point, he developed a preference for sitting on the back of his mom's office chair or competing with the iThing and laptop for her lap so he could offer his opinion on her writing, and he took full credit for her success with the Lycanthropy Files series.

"Wouldn't you rather be petting the kitty?"

It was never clear whether Bailey realized he was sick aside from having to be bribed with cheese – havarti was a particular favorite – or kitty treats to not immediately expectorate his medications. Otherwise, until a week before his departure, he maintained his positive and elegant attitude toward life. He was known by many terms of affection such as "Mister Kitty," "Sweetheart," and "Handsome Kitty," but he always took pride in being named after the coffee-flavored Irish liqueur. In addition to cheese, he appreciated the rare people food he was permitted to try such as crab, fish, and chicken, and he was also known for his unusual tastes for a cat, specifically in leeks and the green tops of carrots. It was also never a good idea to leave bread unattended when he was on the prowl through the kitchen.

Bailey goes to join his adopted sister La Principessa at the Rainbow Bridge, where, we're sure, he will resume his duties as cat bed for the stripey wonder.

"Oof."

He is survived by two heartbroken kitty-parents, equally sorrowful grandkitty-parents and aunt and uncle, and the grey thing, who never much liked him anyway.

He is already sorely missed. :-(

My Writing Process - Blog Tour

This is about how organized I feel sometimes.

First, a huge thanks to Isabella Norse at http://isabellanorse.com/ for inviting me to be part of this blog tour!

Here are the four questions:

1. What am I working on?

Currently I'm writing furiously to finish the first draft for the third Lycanthropy Files book, Blood's Shadow so I can set it aside for the week and have the rest of the month to revise it before my April 30 deadline. Beyond that, I'm pondering steampunk. I just sold a short story, and I have an idea for a trilogy.

2. How does my work differ from others in its genre?

I write urban fantasy mysteries with a scientific twist. The first Lycanthropy Files book The Mountain's Shadow was called a "werewolf mystery/medical thriller" by one reviewer. The second one Long Shadows, which just came out on Tuesday, continues with the mystery/suspense theme. The third one pushes the boundaries of the genre by asking the question of what would happen if there was a cure for lycanthropy, or werewolf-ism? As you can probably imagine, not everyone is happy about the possibility.

3. Why do I write what I do?

I've always been fascinated by legends and tales of fantastic creatures, and so I'm thrilled that the genre has taken off. Also, from a psychological perspective, it's fun to play with power and identity in a different sense. I actually blogged about the psychological reasons behind why I write paranormal at the Fresh Fiction site in December, and most recently at Suzanne Johnson's blog.

4. How does my writing process work?

I try so very hard to be an outliner, I really do. I recognize how it would make life easier for me and spare me those "what now?" moments that every writer dreads. But outlining is really not me - knowing what happens kills the fun of writing the story. I've been lucky in that my fabulous Samhain editor will accept proposals from me with five to ten chapters and a synopsis. The synopsis is more of a general storyline with the major plot points for the mystery and romance in place, but the rest is fair game. The last fourth of Long Shadows, although generally what was in the proposal synopsis, took an interesting turn that made sense in the context of hints my mind had dropped in the story earlier.

That's the main reason I can't do detailed outlines. I sit down and write and go, and my brain will drop little hints or descriptions into the story that end up being really important later without my planning for them. One of my favorite writing quotes is Ray Bradbury's "Your intuition knows what to write, so get out of the way." I sometimes have to remind myself to do that, to just shut up the inner editor and go where my intuition or inspiration takes me.

So this is where I would tell you what writers to visit next week... I apologize, but that part of the hop slipped my mind through a combination of weird life factors like a cat having a major neurological event while I was out of town, which caused Hubby and me to have to rush back from Memphis and MidSouthCon, a stomach virus, a book release, and having to schedule surgery, which will be happening on Wednesday. Argh. So, I encourage you to go to Isabella's blog and follow the hop through one of her other chosen authors.

Thank you so much for stopping by!

Author Appearance: Heading to MidSouthCon

I enjoyed my panels on Friday night, and it was great to meet fellow spec fic authors, writers, and fans.

Sadly, I had to return to Atlanta on Saturday. Our diabetic cat, who's been beautifully stable, had a major crash on Friday night. The pet sitter rushed her to the emergency vet, and back we came in case it was time to say goodbye. The cat is still at the vet and slowly improving, but we don't know what, if any, lasting damage she sustained during her period of very low blood sugar.

I'm upset to miss my signing opportunity, but I'm sure that my fellow animal lovers, of whom there are a lot in the writing and fantasy/sci-fi communities, understand.

Thank you to the staff and volunteers at MidSouthCon - y'all are great, and I very much enjoyed the part of the Con I was able to attend!

A Writer on the Couch: Guest posting at Jill Archer's Blog

Today I am guest posting over at Jill Archer's blog about how psychology informs my writing, which lots of people assume, and how writing makes me a better psychologist, which tends to surprise people. This is also a good opportunity to remind y'all that I've got a Characters on the Couch project, and I plan to post my next case soon. If you'd like to know what that's about, click here.

By day, I’m a clinical psychologist with a special focus in behavioral sleep medicine. I have a private practice, and my main clientele is people who want to sleep without using medication. I do general psychotherapy as well.  By night and weekends, I write fiction and blog about wine and writing. 

Although I don’t have any formal writing training beyond one adult continuing education class, which I snuck in while I was in graduate school at UGA, I’ve been writing creatively since I was a child.

The influence psychology has on my writing seems obvious, at least to me. The truth is that I find people and their problems fascinating. They’re both about people, how they change and grow – or choose not to – and the consequences of either path.

To read the rest, click here.

On Process and Progress: Verbal Shortcuts

My heart got blessed when we were in North Georgia a few weeks ago, except I don't think it really did. Hubby and I were checking out at one of the many apple orchards near Ellijay and chatting with a friendly older gentleman behind the counter.

"Where are y'all from?" he asked.

"Atlanta."

"Oh, bless your heart!"

When we got to the car, Hubby looked at me and said, "I think we just got insulted."

That classic passive-aggressive Southern phrase got me to thinking about what kind of language shortcuts we use. As a psychologist, I can't help but wonder what they help us to say without saying directly. Consider the "Bless your heart" above. It was really, "Oh, you poor things! Our quality of life up here in the North Georgia Mountains is vastly superior to what you city folks experience."

Yep, nothing nice in that mound of condescension. The phrase actually means the opposite. Consider these other phrases in common use and what they really (really?!) mean:

"Not going to go there," but by saying this, you prompt your listener to.

"Awesome" can go either way.

"Wicked!" may be a musical, but my Yankee cousins were using it to mean awesome long before Gregory Maguire ever wrote the book the musical is based on.

"Oh, no you didn't!" and I can't believe you did!

The tricky thing with using these phrases in dialogue is that tone of voice conveys as much of the message as the words. My characters sometimes ask, "Really?" but for clarification, not as in, "I can't believe how stupid that was!"

There's also the timeliness of the phrase. Not everything spans generations like "Bless your heart." I recently read a draft of a Civil War era novel in which a character said, "Don't. Just don't." I marked it as "too modern." It could go the other way. I wouldn't have any of my characters set in a novel in 2011 say, "All that and a bag of chips!" That one always puzzled me.

What are your current favorite shortcut phrases? If you don't have any, well, bless your heart!

What I did with those apples: